Foosball
Good afternoon football fans, and welcome to Week 18. The final week of the regular season. It’s gonna be wacky and weird. Lots of teams with nothing to play for, and lots of teams with everything to play for. Here we goooooo.
Saturday:
Steelers (-3) @ Baltimore
You may notice the Steelers are a 3 point favorite over the best team in the NFL. How is this possible?? The beauty of Week 18. Baltimore has already locked up their spot as the AFC’s #1 seed. So they will sit as many of their important players as possible. Pittsburgh on the other hand needs to win. They make the playoffs if they win and either the Bills or the Jaguars lose. Unfortunately for them, the Raven’s roster is deep and well coached and they hate the Steelers. So they ain’t going down easy. One little nugget that feels applicable considering the Ravens are treating this as basically a preseason game: they once won 24 preseason games in a row. The streak went from 2016 to this preseason. One of the most impressive streaks in sports. And nothing is better than spoiling the season for your most hated rival. Should be spicy. Who scores? George Pickens.
Texans (-2) @ Colts
Here we have it. The first playoff game of the year. Winner goes to the playoffs. Loser goes home. Bye-Bye. See you later. Not only that, but if the Jaguars lose on Sunday the winner of this game is the division champion. Which means you get to host a playoff game. Two teams that nobody expected to be here. Especially after the Colts lost Anthony Richardson. But Minshew Mania is turned up to 11 and he has the boys buzzin. Houston’s rookie QB CJ Stroud has been incredible this year. But we’ll see how he handles his first NFL playoff game on the road in a rowdy Lucas Oil Stadium. The Texans have a very good run defense. But the Colts and Jonathan Taylor historically light them up on the ground. If the combo of JT and Zach Moss can keep it moving and not force Minshew to play hero ball and make mistakes, the Colts can absolutely win. I believe Coach Steichen has a couple tricks up his sleeve and we’ll see some really cool plays in pivotal moments. When Houston has the ball, Stroud should be pretty successful against the Colts secondary (meaning he will pass all over them). They have a couple receivers injured and some banged up offensive linemen, which could give the Colts pass rush time to get home. If he gets rattled and starts turning the ball over it could get dicey. This should be a close, fun game with incredibly high stakes. Who scores? Michael Pittman Jr.
Sunday:
Jaguars (-3.5) @ Titans
This is pretty simple. If the Jaguars win they win their division and will host a playoff game. If they lose and Pittsburgh wins on Saturday they will miss the playoffs. The Titans have been eliminated for a while. So you might wonder why they’ll still play hard? Let’s hear from coach Vrabel: https://youtube.com/shorts/BuYMjnFzsOY?si=MHZK8lm5VcZOtKHX
Anyway, Horse Face is probably back this week and the Jaguars should realistically win. But the Titans have the perfect opportunity to play spoiler and make this crazy. The Titans are going back to their long time QB Ryan Tannehill and he would love to screw the Jaguars in the last game of his contract with Tennessee. Who scores? Derrick Henry.
Vikings @ Lions (-3.5)
The Vikings are in a weird spot because if they win they have a small chance to make the playoffs. They would need GB, SEA, and either TB or NO to all lose. But if they lose they wind up with the 8th pick in the upcoming draft. And boy howdy do they need draft picks. They have like 4 defensive players signed into next year. It’s a mess. Lots of Vikings fans would prefer they just lose and move on to next year. The Lions are locked into the #3 seed in the playoffs after the disaster of last week’s loss to Dallas. (Sneaky revenge spot if both teams win their first playoff game they will play again in the second round). Motor City Dan Campbell doesn’t strike me as the type to rest his guys either. Who scores? David Montgomery.
Browns @ Bengals (-7)
Another rest game as the Browns have sealed up their playoff spot and can’t move up or down in the seeding. The Bengals are eliminated but the guys will want to be putting good stuff on tape for job security next year. Not much to say here. Who scores? Tyler Boyd.
Buccaneers (-4) @ Panthers
Tampa Bay has everything to play for here. They win their division with a win, and will miss the playoffs if they lose. If they lose, the winner of Atlanta v. New Orleans win the division. Baker Mayfield has surprisingly been really good this year. He is playing through some gnarly injuries right now, though, which leaves them a little vulnerable to a poopy Panthers team. I mean for crying out loud their owner just got fined $300K for throwing a drink on a fan. They had the #1 overall draft pick this year… that hasn’t worked out. Oh but they have the #1 pick this year too, right? Sike. They traded that to the Bears to get #1 last year. Whoopsie. The Bucs should roll here and I wouldn’t be surprised if the Panthers players are already booking tee times for next week on an island somewhere. Sayonara. Who scores? Rachaad White.
Falcons @ Saints (-3)
If Tampa does lose to the poopy Panthers, the winner of this game wins the division and will host a playoff game. Avert your eyes if that happens. If Tampa wins, this game instantly becomes meaningless as neither team can make the playoffs. The games are at the same time, though, so nobody will know. I hate both these teams. Who scores? Bijan Robinson.
Jets @ Patriots (-2.5)
Both these teams are dead. The only interesting subplot here is the idea this could be Bill Belichik’s last game in New England and the Jets will want to send him out in style. There is nothing in the world that Belichik hates more than the Jets, so he would love to stick it to them one last time. Who scores? Israel Abanikanda. Although this could literally be a no TD game.
Chiefs @ Chargers (-3.5)
This is a nothing burger game. The Chiefs are locked into their spot (winning their division for the 8th straight year) and the Chargers are eliminated. The Chiefs won’t play any starters and the Chargers don’t have any starters left. Who scores? Clyde Edwards Helaire.
Bears @ Packers (-3)
Big one here. If the Packers win they are in. Lose and they’re out. They were in this exact position last year and lost to the Lions, so there are scars and probably some scary memories to get over. QB Jordan Love has been playing really well and has a chance to really cement himself in Green Bay if they can pull it off. The Bears have been playing alright to end the year and would love to crush their hated rival’s dreams headed into the offseason. They have the #1 overall pick in the draft and have a huge decision to make. Nobody knows if they’ll draft a QB and move on from Justin Fields. But if he balls out and kills the Packers in Lambeau it’ll make that decision even harder. The Packers defense is legitimately putrid so there’s a real possibility he does the damn thing. Who scores? Justin Fields.
Broncos @ Raiders (-3)
Ah, who cares. Couple of floating trash bags. If the Raiders win their interim coach has a real chance to get the full time job. That’s the only interesting thing I can come up with. Who scores? Zamir White.
Eagles (-5) @ Giants
Philly can clinch their division if they win and the Cowboys lose (spoiler alert: the Cowboys aren’t losing). Which means the Eagles will just be the #5 seed. Remember last week when we talked about how bad the vibes in Philly have been? Well they went on to lose to the crappy Cardinals. Ouchie. It’s a meltdown in the City of Brotherly love. Lucky for them they’ll play the winner of the NFC South in the first round so they could figure it out and go on a run. Who scores? Julio Jones.
Seahawks (-3) @ Cardinals
Little bit of spice here. The Seahawks can make the playoffs if they win and the Packers lose. I do not trust Seattle even a little bit, though. And remember the Cardinals just beat the Eagles. Even if Seattle makes it they’ll have to travel to Dallas and likely get wiped off the map. The Cardinals have a QB decision to make this offseason as they could move on from Kyler Murray. He’s basically playing as a tryout to prove to either the Cardinals or another team that they should sign him. Who scores? James Conner.
Rams @ 49ers (-4.5)
The Rams have secured a wild card spot in the playoffs, and the Niners have the #1 seed in the NFC. As such, both teams are resting starters and resting up before the playoffs. The QB matchup here is Sam Darnold v. Carson Wentz. There’s no reason to subject ourselves to that. So we move on. Who scores? Jordan Mason.
Cowboys (-13) @ Commanders
The Cowboys clinch the division with a win and drop to the #5 seed with a loss. They could probably win this game with their backups, though. The Commanders are in full reset mode going into next year. New owner, new coach, new QB, maybe another new name. Who scores? CeeDee Lamb. 3 times.
Bills (-2.5) @ Dolphins
This game was flexed into the Sunday Night spot because it is the biggest and best on the slate. There are wild possibilities here. The Bills can win the division and get the #2 seed. Or they can lose and miss the playoffs entirely. (They also get in with a Pittsburgh or Jacksonville loss). Miami is guaranteed a playoff spot, but they win the division with a win here. Unfortunately, the Dolphins are very injured and staring down the barrel of Josh Allen going nut nut on them. If the Bills keep rolling and get into the playoffs on a heater, watch out. Who scores? Josh Allen.