Dolphins @ Ravens (-3)
Best game of the day. Ravens just smoked the Niners on Christmas and the Dolphins beat the Cowboys. These teams are fighting for the #1 seed in the AFC which gives you a bye week and home field advantage in the playoffs. Ravens are a game up now so Miami winning makes things very spicy. Waddle is out 🐧 and so is Mostert. But Tyreek Hill is back. Ravens are probably the best defense in football so it’ll be fun to see how Tua looks. Lamar Jackson needs one more banger of a game to basically lock up the MVP. Achane TD.
49ers (-14) @ Commanders
Commanders are totally dead. They tried to bench QB Sam Howell but the backup, Jacoby Brissett, pulled a hammy in practice so he can’t play. The coach will be fired in a few weeks under the new owner so don’t waste your time on the Commies for now. The Niners need to bounce back after getting body bagged on Christmas. Deebo is a little hurty but CMC and Kittle will smash. Purdy needs to exercise some demons after throwing 4 picks last week, and the Niners need to win to get the #1 seed in the NFC. Aiyuk TD.
Raiders @ Colts (-4)
Well the Colts peed down their leg last week. Let’s not do that again eh fellas. Colts are in a 3 way tie atop the division with the Jaguars in a tailspin and the Texans skidding. Real chance to steal this sucker. Michael Pittman and JT are playing today. The Raiders have had one of the top defenses since they fired their coach and are on a heater, including smashing the Chiefs last week. Hoping they’re in a sleepy little letdown spot and the Colts make it look easy. But they do have an outside shot to make the playoffs if they win this week and next. JT TD.
Rams (-6.5) @ Giants
Rams are kind of spicy in the second half of the season. When their offense is going it’s fun to watch. And the Giants aren’t going to put up much resistance. Rams have a good chance to make the playoffs if they win. The giants are dead. They benched Tommy Cutlets this week for Tyrod Taylor. Woof. Kupp TD.
Patriots @ Bills (-14.5)
The Bills are on a little run here and have a good shot to make the playoffs and be that team nobody wants to face. Josh Allen is balling out and should put one final bullet into Belichik on his way out the door in New England. Good riddance. If Miami loses to Baltimore today and the Bills win, the Bills v. Dolphins next week will be for the division. Very spicy. Cook TD.
Titans @ Texans (-4)
Texans finally get CJ Stroud back which puts them squarely in the playoff mix. The Titans should play them tough though, even though they are eliminated from the playoffs. If the Texans and Colts win and Jaguars lose, next week’s Colts v. Texans will be for the division. Collins TD.
Cardinals @ Eagles (-13)
The Cardinals are dead and their QB will probably be gone next year. Kind of a poo show all around. The Eagles need to get a few clean wins headed into the playoffs. Weird vibes around this team right now. They are not having fun. But I expect Hurts to figure it out and lay a steamer on the Cards. Technically the Eagles have a chance at the #1 seed in the NFC but not likely. They do need to win to make sure they win the division after the Cowboys won last night. Hurts TD.
Saints @ Bucs (-2.5)
The worst division in foosball. But the Bucs can win it if they win today. Grudge match here as these teams hate each other. Mike Evans will fight somebody. The Bucs are actually kind of fun this year with Baker Mayfield playing really well. The Saints are an assault to the senses and should not be taken seriously. This team pisses me off and I hope they lose. Godwin TD.
Falcons @ Bears (-3)
Ah, who cares. Frick the Falcons. The Bears will be in turmoil this off-season as they probably fire their coach and QB. Actually the Falcons are in a similar boat. Technically there are playoff implications but I’m not gonna waste anyone’s time. DJ Moore TD.
Panthers @ Jaguars (-4)
Our old pal Magic Hooves is finally being put down this week as the combo of a concussion, shoulder, ankle, and knee took down Trevvy Lawrence. Hopefully that gives the Panthers a chance here. They are the worst team in the league but #1 overall pick Bryce Young finally looked decent last week. Go Panthers. Hubbard TD. There could literally not be a TD in this game though.
Steelers @ Seahawks (-4.5)
Both these teams are kinda poopy and somehow can make the playoffs if they win. Annoying. Should be a sloppy game and not super fun. DK Metcalf TD.
Bengals @ Chiefs (-7)
What in the world happened to the Chiefs. Taylor Swift curse? People are wondering. Luckily for them Joey Burrow got hurt and the Bengals are not great. They’ve managed 8 wins though so who knows. At this point the Chiefs need to win these last 2 games and figure some stuff out on offense so they don’t get bounced early in the playoffs. Kermit the QB should be able to drag them along a while longer. Kelce TD.
Chargers @ Broncos (3.5)
Not much going here except the drama surrounding Russell Wilson. The Broncos benched him to protect themselves from a massive payout if he were to get hurt. I’m sure he’s thrilled. Neither of these teams are worth a crap right now. Everett TD.