We have a beefer this weekend as somehow no teams are on a bye. Not sure how that happens, but it means we get 8 games at 1PM and 5 games at 4PM. But let’s be honest… a lot of these games project to be blowouts. We won’t spend a ton of time on those, and if they wind up being close that’s just icing on the cake come ‘the witching hour.’
We are reaching a point in the season where teams will begin to separate themselves. Division and conference games gain even more importance. And we can start to picture how the playoffs will look come December. Bring it on.
1PM GAMES
Tennessee Titans @ Detroit Lions (-12)
The Lions are absolutely cooking right now and should sauté and flambé the Titans. The Lions need to keep stacking wins to keep up in the competitive NFC North. The Titans probably just need to lose and get a better draft pick for next year. And surely they know this seeing as how they traded Deandre Hopkins to the Chiefs this week. Thanks for that!
Who scores? David Montgomery. AKA Knuckles of the Sonic & Knuckles duo.
Indianapolis Colts @ Houston Texans (-5)
A week one rematch that saw a fun competitive game barely go the Texans way. That game was really the last time we saw Anthony Richardson’s massive upside (remember the bomb to Alec Pierce?) He needs to play like that and even better to win this extremely important divisional game. A Colts win here would bring them into a tie for the division lead. And there’s hope! DeForest Buckner and Jonathan Taylor are both expected to be back today. We really need to see more of AR and JT on the field at the same time, and the defense needs DeFo in the absolute worst way. For the Texans – Nico Collins is still out, as are a slew of defensive players. Nico missing has proven to be huge for the Texans. I mean c’mon… CJ Stroud went 10/21 and 86 yards last week. I think Shane Steichen unleashes some holy terror today and the Colts put up 30 points. We’ll see if the defense can hold the line.
Who scores? Anthony Richardson. Please, God.
Green Bay Packers (-4) @ Jacksonville Jaguars
Doug Pederson came this close to getting left in London, but a win over the poopy Patriots bought him at least another week and a plane ticket back to Duval. Now the Packers come to town and, similar to the Lions situation, have every motivation to whoop on a bad team and stack another win. Maybe the Jaguars offense stays hot (this rookie Brian Thomas Jr. is super legit) but the Pack defense is strong, and who wants to go back to work after 2 weeks overseas?
Who scores? Jayden Reed. Throw a dart here… too many names.
Baltimore Ravens (-8.5) @ Cleveland Browns
Well, well, well. It’s Jameis Winston time. Deshaun Watson blew an achilles last week which means the Browns had no choice but to finally and mercifully sit him down and replace him with Jameis. Now, look, I’m not saying Jameis is some world beater that is going to come in and turn this whole season around. But dammit if he doesn’t give them a better chance, a better vibe, and more fun. The last time he started a full season he threw 33 touchdowns and 30 interceptions. He’s a wild card. Unfortunately for him the Ravens are a total buzz saw right now. But I’ll tell you what… if this one is close in the 4th quarter and Jameis has looked good… the DOG POUND will be going wild in Cleveland and you never know what could happen.
Who scores? David Njoku. If I was Jameis I would throw it to Njoku every time.
New York Jets (-7) @ New England Patriots
Big time ‘get off the schneid’ game for the Jets. Aaron Rodgers said this week that Davante Adams gave the team the “realest speech I’d ever heard in a locker room in 20 years.” This is supposed to be some big time turn the page moment for the season. Okay that’s great… but why did the guy who had been there for 72 hours have to be the one to do that? Something stinks. But wait, what’s that other smell? Oh yeah, the Patriots stink even WORSE.
Who scores? Davante Adams. Has to, right?
Philadelphia Eagles @ Cincinnati Bengals (-2.5)
Probably the best 1 o’clock game here. Tee Higgins was a late add to the injury report with a quad injury, which is a bummer. But he might still play. Joe Burrow has been playing lights out when Tee and Ja’Marr Chase are both in the game, and I don’t see how the Eagles are going to slow him down much. However, the Bengals defense can’t stop anything in the run game. Saquon Barkley should go nut nut here. Hopefully both teams go up and down the field and we get fireworks in the Queen City.
Who scores? AJ Brown. I’m telling you, throw it to AJ every time.
Arizona Cardinals @ Miami Dolphins (-4)
The triumphant return of Tua! Tua made a lot of headlines this week when he announced he will not wear the guardian cap despite his repeated brain injuries. He is wearing a special protective quarterback helmet, so let’s chill with some of the hand wringing in the media. If these nerds had their way he would be in a dark padded room for the rest of his life. Luckily, Tua is a baller and just keeps coming back. I say luckily because without him the Dolphins are one of the most unwatchable teams in the league. I mean truly agonizing. They should pretty much get right back to looking like a real team again, which is fun because we get to see Tyreek and Waddle and Achane again. The Cardinals beat a good team in the Chargers last week, but here’s a fun stat: the Cardinals have not won back to back games since 2021. An incredible run.
Who scores? Devon Achane. FYI Tyreek Hill has been dealing with a foot injury and is questionable. He should be fine, but you never know.
Atlanta Falcons (-2.5) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Creamsicles. Yes, please. It is an utter shame that we won’t get Mike Evans in the creamsicles this year. The Bucs are in a brutal spot here missing Evans and Godwin. Plus Bucky Irving is playing through a bad toe injury. It will take an all-time gutty Baker Mayfield game to pull this one out. Maybe the creamsicles have some magic in them?
Who scores? Drake London.
4PM GAMES
Buffalo Bills (-3) @ Seattle Seahawks
The Bills have to be careful not to sleepwalk into Seattle and get popped here. The Seahawks are frisky, the weather will be nasty, and that flight is no fun. Expect this to be sloppy and close the whole time.
Who scores? James Cook. Let James cook. FYI DK Metcalf is doubtful to play.
New Orleans Saints @ Los Angeles Chargers (-7)
Yeesh. Gross one. Remember when the Saints were fun for like 2 games? They are right back on my shit list.
Who scores? JK Dobbins. Famous last words: this feels like a freebie.
Kansas City Chiefs (-8.5) @ Las Vegas Raiders
The Chiefs traded for Deandre Hopkins this week, and it sounds like he will play. For those unfamiliar with D-Hop, he had the best hands in the league for many years and terrorized the league with his size and speed. He’s a little older now, but he will be the #1 guy in Kansas City. If nothing else he will free up space for the other scrubs they have running around out there. Now, normally the Raiders play the Chiefs tough. Even when the Raiders suck they seem to give Mahomes a hard time. HOWEVAH. This summer they posted a video from practice where they dressed up a Kermit the Frog doll like Patrick Mahomes to make fun of his goofy ass voice. Mahomes response: “it will get handled when it gets handled.” Ooohh Mufasa Mufasa Mufasa.
Who scores? DeAndre Hopkins. Perfect spot for an Andy Reid troll job by powdering the Raiders with the guy who just showed up.
Carolina Panthers @ Denver Broncos (-11)
Ew, dude.
Who scores? Javonte Williams.
Chicago Bears @ Washington Commanders (-1)
The battle between this year’s number 1 and number 2 draft picks! Super fun. Really unfortunate that Jayden Daniels got hurt last week and it’s been up in the air all week if he will play or not. As of the most recent reporting it sounds like he will play. Let’s hope so because this could and should be the most fun game of the 4 o’clocks. The Commies defense is utter garbage which should let Caleb Williams air it out and show off why he was the #1 pick. The Bears defense is good but Jayden Daniels is a dog and as long as there’s air in his lungs he will be going all out to show up the team that passed on him.
Who scores? DJ Moore.
