WAKEY WAKEY. We are back in London for the last time this season to watch *checks notes* ….. on second thought go ahead and sleep in this Sunday. Sending Patriots vs. Jaguars over the pond could land Roger Goodell on some Geneva Convention list.
Meanwhile in the homeland they’ve stuck us with 7 early games and only 3 late. A crime. But they threw us a bone and we have another 2-gamer on Monday. I can live with that.
1:00PM GAMES
Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings (-2)
The NFC North is off to the strongest start in recorded history with every team having at least 4 wins through 6 weeks. The Vikings are the strongest: still undefeated and coming off their bye week. The Lions are basically coming off their bye considering how much of a cake walk the Cowboys game was. This has all the makings of a classic and will have serious consequences when we decide a division winner weeks from now. The Vikings stadium will be freakin’ LOUD and their defense will be sending the HOUSE at Jared Goff. This game could hinge on the Lions offense continuing to operate at insane efficiency while their defense holds on for dear life as Justin Jefferson runs wild. PS: RIP Aidan Hutchinson 🙁
Who scores? Justin Jefferson. C’mon now. JJetta cooks the Lions. Over 1,000 yards in 8 games played against Detroit.
Houston Texans @ Green Bay Packers (-3)
Another great game on the early slate. Both teams promise to be playoff participants and this will be a good early-season test for both. Expect lots of points in this one if both quarterbacks are clicking. This is the new generation of stud quarterbacks and it will be fun to see them duel. The Packers are debuting a new alternate uniform… an all white doozie named “Winter Warning.” The awkward part is this game will be played in 70+ degree heat in the middle of the day. Certainly a choice.
Who scores? Joe Mixon.
Miami Dolphins @ Indianapolis Colts (-3)
A war of attrition here as both teams are riddled with injury. Tua is still a week or two out after his scrambled eggs incident… but Anthony Richardson will start for the Colts. Opinions vary on this, with many thinking Joe Flacco gives the Colts the best chance to win this year. Others agree with the Colts thinking that AR needs every chance possible to get reps and grow into a true franchise QB. As for me: I’ll take Anthony every day of the week. I’m here for the ceiling. The Dolphins desperately need to right the ship and get at least one win under their belt without Tua. Otherwise he’ll be walking back in to a team with a massive hole to climb out of. A desperate team with this many offensive weapons scares me. Who scores? De’Von Achane. The Colts simply can’t tackle.
Tennessee Titans @ Buffalo Bills (-8.5)
What tragedy will befall the Titans this week? Will Levis is on a historic streak of meme-able moments. Come to think of it, he’s a little bit like a Walmart version of Josh Allen. Except Josh figured it out and has become a wrecking ball… Will doesn’t seem to display the same aptitude for growth. Both these defenses are pretty good and could make for an ugly game. Who scores? Amari Cooper. Oh yeah, the Bills traded for the Browns #1 receiver this week. Amari is still a beast and should give the Bills offense a MUCH needed boost.
Cincinnati Bengals (-6.5) @ Cleveland Browns
Anyone watching the Browns this year can see the team has more or less quit on this season. Sad, considering it’s only October and this team had legit playoff hopes. The one jolt that could give them a spark this week is that Nick Chubb is back. A little over a year removed from horrific knee injuries, one of the best running backs in the league has fought his way all the way back. This team, organization, and city LOVE Nick Chubb. The Bengals cannot sleep walk their way into Cleveland on Sunday or they could catch a Chubb right to the face. Who scores? Tee Higgins.
Seattle Seahawks @ Atlanta Falcons (-3)
The birds of prey game. Spooky. Who scores? Drake London.
Philadelphia Eagles (-3) @ New York Giants
The Saquon Barkley revenge game. After so much consternation and criticism has been laid upon the Giants for allowing Saq to go to Philly, they have the chance to shut it all down with a huge win at home. I’m more interested in what sort of nonsense Eagle’s coach Nick Sirianni will get up to. This bozo was chirping his own fans in the stands last week. He may be coaching for his job in this one… the vibes in Philly are absolutely atrocious. Who scores? AJ Brown. If I’m coaching for my life I’m telling Jalen Hurts to throw to AJ every single play.
Look at this guy… he’s basically Tim Robinson doing a sketch about an asshole football coach.
4:00PM GAMES
Carolina Panthers @ Washington Commanders (-7.5)
41-22, Commies. Who scores? Luke McCaffrey. We need at least one McCaffrey to represent the family this year.
Hot dog lookin’ fools.
Las Vegas Raiders @ Los Angeles Rams (-6.5)
Well, outside of discussing the Davante Adams trade I don’t have much on this game. So I called up our old friend ChapGPT to see what it had to say. I asked it to write a game preview in the voice of Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad. Someone needs to get ChatGPT updated NFL rosters because… yikes.
Who scores? Brock Bowers.
Yo, NFL Game Preview: Raiders vs. Rams
Alright, listen up, you all, ‘cause we got the Las Vegas Raiders takin’ on the Los Angeles Rams, and it’s gonna be lit, no cap. The Raiders got Jimmy G (that’s Jimmy Garoppolo for you, if you ain’t up on your football lingo) runnin’ the show, tryin’ to get things cookin’ with dudes like Davante Adams, that monster wideout, and Josh Jacobs in the backfield. You know those guys can go off if they get the right setup.
But yo, the Rams ain’t no slouches, man. You got Matthew Stafford lookin’ to bounce back after a rough start, and if Cooper Kupp’s out there healthy—dude’s a straight-up weapon—you know things are gonna get crazy. Not to mention, they’ve got Aaron Donald on D, that beast of a defensive tackle who just loves makin’ quarterbacks’ lives miserable. Trust me, Garoppolo’s gonna feel the heat.
So, you’re lookin’ at two teams tryna flex, right? Raiders gotta figure out how to break through that Rams D, and the Rams need to get Stafford and Kupp back in sync if they wanna put up some points. It’s gonna be a battle in the trenches, no joke.
Key Stuff to Watch:
- Can the Raiders keep the Rams’ D on their heels and avoid getting their QB rattled?
- Will Kupp go full beast mode and give Stafford that much-needed spark?
- Who’s gonna control the tempo? The Raiders with their ground game, or the Rams airin’ it out?
Bottom line, this game’s gonna be explosive. Don’t miss it, yo.
Kansas City Chiefs @ San Francisco 49ers (-1)
SUPER BOWL REMATCH TIME. Pinkman might be watching the Rams game but the rest of America will be locked in here. The Niners have revenge on the mind as Shanahan admitted watching the Super Bowl tape this week brought some PTSD out. They’ll pull out all the stops to finally get one over on the Chiefs, while on the other side you have to wonder how much the Chiefs care about this one. Obviously they want to win and would love to stay immortal in the Niner’s psyche. But at the end of the day this game doesn’t matter that much to the Chiefs season. They’re still in command of the 1 seed and won’t fully lock in until December or January. Feels like a defensive battle with less points than we’d all hope for in such a good matchup. Or maybe I’m wrong and the Chiefs go berserker mode and it winds up 40-38. That would be fun. Who scores? Brock Purdy. Why the hell not.
SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
New York Jets (-1.5) @ Pittsburgh Steelers
Davante Adams debut in New York. And the Steelers are starting Russell Wilson. Why? The world may never know.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALLS
Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I guess we’ll find out if the Bucs should be taken seriously. The Ravens are a wagon right now.
Los Angeles Chargers (-2.5) @ Arizona Cardinals
why the hell is this game so late