1PM GAMES
Green Bay Packers (-5.5) @ Chicago Bears
I feel for Bears fans, I really do. This organization has become an absolute dumpster fire over the last 20 years, and this year, which began full of hope and promise, has proven to be no different. The Chosen One, Caleb Williams, has been Bryce Young-level bad. The coach is an absolute dweeb. Players are literally quitting on the field. They finally fired the offensive coordinator this week, but it would seem all hope is lost on this season. All we can look for is the beginnings of a turnaround for Caleb, so that Chicago’s hopes can spring anew next summer. The Packers, on the other hand, still feel like a thriving and prosperous operation, and will revel in the chance to beat the snot out of the Bears on their own turf. Maybe we get a Custer’s Last Stand performance from the Bears, but all signs point to the Cheese Heads rolling on to a massive matchup against San Fran next week.
Who scores? Josh Jacobs. I hate picking the favorite here but the Pack have too many wide receivers to choose from.
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Detroit Lions (-13.5)
Ordinarily I would have “let-down spot” creeping into my thoughts after a team won in the fashion Detroit did last week: a come from behind victory over a good team in which the Lions made 2 crucial, game-tying and game-winning field goals by a combined 6 inches. But I just don’t believe Dan Campbell allows let-down games. Lions roar; Jags mew.
Who scores? The Sun God. He has scored in 7 straight…
Minnesota Vikings (-6) @ Tennessee Titans
*fart noise* The Titans are a joke and although I have my doubts about the Vikings, Minnesota should have no trouble here.
Who scores? Justin Jefferson.
Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) @ Pittsburgh Steelers
We have 2 games this week that feel like playoff aperitifs. Although the word aperitif might be too exotic and dainty to describe a Ravens Steelers clash. Can you serve an aperitif in an oil can while driving a monster truck off a dirt ramp and through a ring of fire, while a distorted Metallica riff blares over the loud speaker? One of the great rivalries in football will be on our screens on Sunday afternoon and it’s going to rock. There hasn’t been a matchup between these two that was decided by more than a touchdown since 2019. Interestingly, the Ravens have only won once since that same game. Even through years where they were a top 3 team and Lamar was league MVP, and the Steelers were simply a .500 operation. This game is even more fun because for the first time in a while, BOTH teams are serious contenders. The battle for the AFC North is going to be grimy and come down to the bitter end, but a win here gives one team a massive leg up.
Who scores? Pat Freiermuth.
Indianapolis Colts @ New York Jets (-4)
Well, well, well. It seems our friend Shane Steichen has finally come to his senses. There are still questions to be answered as to why Anthony Richardson was benched for the ghost of Joe Flacco, but nevertheless he is back in action and the team seems to have some life breathed into it. Players around the locker room have come out in starch defense of AR, and the vibes are oh so much higher this week. I can’t say the same for the Jets as they are coming off an absolute smackdown by way of the Cardinals. They have one last gasp here to get back on track and catch a heater, but it is a long and treacherous path to the playoffs when you start 3-7.
Who scores? ANTHONY RICHARDSON. BACK IN THE SADDLE. WE RIDE.
Las Vegas Raiders @ Miami Dolphins (-7)
The Raiders are fully dead and look ready to draft Shedeur Sanders next April. (My prediction: Shedeur and Deion come to town and take over Las Vegas, only to flame out in a blaze of glory.) The Dolphins, similar to the Jets, have one last chance to make something happen. Realistically, neither of these teams matter right now.
Who scores? DeVon Achane. I am ready to be hurt again.
Los Angeles Rams (-4.5) @ New England Patriots
……… I got nothin’.
Who scores? Puka Nacua.
Cleveland Browns (-1) @ New Orleans Saints
This feels yucky. Can we call our shot on another overtime game? I guess this is a Jameis Winston revenge game, but I don’t believe he harbors any hate in his heart for anyone.
Who scores? Jerry Jeudy.
4PM GAMES
Seattle Seahawks @ San Francisco 49ers (-6.5)
The Niners are giving the vibes of a beast awakened from a deep and elongated slumber, ready to rise from the deepest depths of the sea and overwhelm a town of lovely island-folk. The Seahawks feel more like a baby deer stumbling and bumbling around the forest in no particular direction.
Who scores? CMC.
Atlanta Falcons @ Denver Broncos (-2)
This should be a close game, probably have some fun moments, and likely comes down to the last few minutes. But can we be honest and all understand that nobody will be watching this game in favor of the Chiefs v. Bills?
Who scores? Courtland Sutton. The Falcons have possibly the worst pass rush of all time, giving Bo Nix plenty of time to let Courtland run around
Kansas City Chiefs @ Buffalo Bills (-2)
Playoff preview #2. And this is the one. Much will be made about Patrick Mahomes’ record when he is an underdog, and it is spectacular: 11 wins to 3 losses. Everyone I’ve read or listened to this week has quoted that stat and decided the only wise bet in this game is to back the Chiefs. And yet, the line has not moved. The Bills are still small favorites. This tells us that there are people, call them a silent majority, if you will, that have determined that Josh Allen is the anointed one who will finally bring an end to Pat’s terrible reign. Personally I can’t imagine taking a hard stance either way in this one. There is very little chance of a blowout in either direction, and the outcome will probably come down to the final few plays.
Mahomes v. Allen, in Buffalo, with a chance at the #1 seed in the AFC on the line. It simply does not get any better than this.
Who scores? James Cook.
