Houston Texans @ Kansas City Chiefs (-8.5)
Once again, all paths go through Kansas City. A treacherous, terrifying, terrible place. A city lousy with boisterous Midwesterners drunk off their recent successes and cheap whiskey. And why wouldn’t they be? Their team is a well oiled machine of death and mutilation. They have nothing to fear. In roll the Texans. A ragtag bunch, easy to look right past without a second glance. But I’ll tell you this: they won’t be afraid. And there is one flaw in the Chief’s armor. Patrick Mahomes’ offensive line is, dare I say, bad. And the Texan’s defensive line is fierce. If they have any chance here the pass rush has to harass Mahomie up and down the field, and CJ Stroud has to go unconscious full blown sicko mode. Might I also point out that Mahomes just had his third child. They have named their children Bronze, Sterling, and Golden. So… that’s weird.
PS. The picture below is Andy Reid’s frozen mustache in their playoff game last year against the Dolphins. You think this guy gives a shit?? FOOTBALL
Playoff touchdowns! Travis Kelce / Dameon Pierce
Washington Commanders @ Detroit Lions (-8.5)
Now this is a matchup. I’ll warn you: the first game on Saturday could be a bit of a slog. Lotta defense and short runs. Not true in the Motor City on Saturday night. This will be a laser show. The Lions are the most electrifying offense in football. Capable of dropping nuclear missiles in mass. David Montgomery is back, completing the Sonic & Knuckles duo we’ve sorely missed. Goff, Amon-Ra, LaPorta Potty, and Jame-O are ready to unleash holy hell, buoyed by the crazed Detroit faithful who will be rough and rowdy tonight. Their only flaw: a defense that can’t stop a runny nose. Central casting couldn’t have picked a better character to slot in across the field in this spot. Jayden Daniels has just capped an incredible rookie season with a playoff win on the road. The kid is special. And super capable of exploiting a bad defense. Walking into Detroit and slaying the dragon would make him a legend. But the Lions feel like an unstoppable force right now and should be playing for a shot at the Super Bowl next week.
Playoff touchdowns! If this game goes to plan I envision the clip of Oprah: “you get a touchdown! And you get a touchdown! And you get a touchdown!” But if I had to pick: Terry McLaurin / Olamide Zaccheaus
more to come..
Leave a Reply